I had a sort of an epiphany recently. Well, it was an epiphany for me! I'm not sure I can even say this in a public forum, but I am going to anyway...
I like posed photography.
There it is. That wasn't so hard. I might even be able to say it without my heart rate climbing this time...
I like posed photography.
That isn't such a big deal, you say? Well, in a world where professional portrait photography is rapidly changing to a journalistic style, it is a huge deal! Take a few minutes to surf the web. Look through the Facebook albums of your friends. Check out some wedding blogs. Then come back and tell me it isn't a big deal ... posed photography for anything other than portfolio head shots and elementary school pictures is on its way out.
But I like it. As a matter of fact, I favor it! I have a wall in my home that is covered with my favorite pictures of my kids as they were growing up. There are some pictures of our little family and our extended family up there, too. The other day, I was laying on my couch looking at all of the sweet faces of the people that mean the most to me and that was when it hit me!
I like posed photography!
I don't just like it, I love it! I like to be able to see the faces of the people who are being photographed. I like being able to see their smiles or their frowns, their wrinkles or their baby soft skin. I like knowing the color of their eyes, whether striking blue or chocolate brown. I like the "windows" in large group photos that allow me to see every single face. I like the coordinated outfits and the ridiculous matching dresses that I used to make my daughters wear. I even like the occasional cheesy smile that says, "I do not want to be here but I'm gonna smile so that my mom will let me go change out of these silly clothes..."
Don't get me wrong. I love the unposed, candid style of portraits, too. Those portraits have incredible personality! You simply can't replace the emotion that is captured when a person doesn't know he is in the spotlight. I have boxes and boxes of prints and thousands of digital files of pictures taken when my children are participating in their favorite activities and are unaware that the lens is pointed in their direction. I love looking through those albums and remembering the things we have done together. But those aren't the ones that are hanging on my wall. Maybe they should be, but they're not. I always hang the ones of them staring straight into the camera, front and center, with no depth of field at all. They would be laughed out of any photography competition for their terrible composition and lack of creativity! These are the latest photos of my children that grace my wall:
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Afterall, I am a photographer. And if I tend towards the poorly composed, uncreative portraits of my family, how good can I really be? I have questioned my abilities for a long time, always wondering if I am good enough to be paid for my work. I love what I do, but do I do what I love? I have analyzed and agonized over this dilemma for quite sometime! I have spent hours pouring over my work, from the photos I took as a beginner nearly 10 years ago to the ones taken within the past few days. I have been my own worst critic, but I think I am finally learning a lesson that I should have learned many years ago.
I am who I am and my photography is what it is. As a college student, I spent a lot of time trying to create images that looked the way my professors wanted them to look. I copied the photography and editing styles of some of the master photographers out there, trying to improve and become what my instructors wanted me to be. After I left school, I began studying the styles of other photographers and did what they were doing. I would plan for hours what I was going to do on a shoot, trying to make sure that I was prepared for all kinds of poses with props and lights and ladders. I have taken literally hundreds of pictures during every session I have ever done. But as I look back over my work, the best shoots are the ones that I was completely unprepared to execute. When my life was out of control, I had no time to plan, and I was force to do what came naturally, my work was fabulous! When I went into a session armed with nothing but my camera and my creativity, the images became beautiful memories.
Interestingly enough, I still prefer the posed images. I guess my "style" is somewhat traditional. I like to know who the picture is of and what they looked like on the day it was taken. And I am finally comfortable with that. That is not to say that I won't ever take a candid again, but there is a sense of freedom in discovering what I like and why I like it!
In honor of my new discovery, I am revamping my photography business. It will have a new name, a new look and a style all my own. I'm pretty excited about it! It will take a few weeks to get my website/blog up and running, but I'm working on it and can't wait to share it with all of you. Those of you who are familiar with my work and my prices will see some subtle changes, but I'm still me. The difference is that I have finally figured out who that is! So with JOY I announce that...
I LIKE POSED PHOTOGRAPHY!
And with pleasure I introduce you all to ...
Sandra Jean Photography! (coming soon)
If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is this:
Sometimes, things work out just like you planned.
Sometimes, they don't.
It is as simple as that.
That doesn't mean that I find it easy to cope when things don't work out but I'm beginning to realize that there is nothing I can do to change those disappointing moments in life.
Take Sunday afternoon, for instance. I was in charge of a fireside for the youth in my ward. (A fireside is an informal church meeting where an invited guest speaks or leads a discussion on an assigned topic. A ward is a congregation in the LDS church.) The guest speaker was invited and ready to go, an announcement was made to the youth and their parents about time and location, all that was needed were refreshments.
There is a joke about Mormons and refreshments...
Q: "How many Mormons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "3. One to change the bulb and 2 to serve refreshments."
Ha ha, right? The point is that refreshments are a major part of the LDS society. They have nothing to do with the doctrine of the church, but if you didn't know better, you might think they were the basis upon which our church was founded. Thus, a fireside without refreshments may as well be cancelled.
Anyway, I was in charge of this fireside. Everything had been taken care of except the refreshments. Not a big deal. I can make treats for 60 people with my hands tied behind my back. What shall we make for the fireside, I asked my kids when we got home from church that afternoon? The general consensus was it needed to be 'cinnamony.' The obvious choice was cinnamon rolls. I had the ingredients, my yeast was brand new, no problem.
Four hours later, it became evident that there was a major problem...the rolls weren't rising. I don't know why. This seems to happen to me every time there is a deadline and I try to bake something with yeast. I proofed it before I started and it was fine. But 2 hours before my fireside, I still had flat cinnamon rolls. I wasn't happy. After much ranting and raving, I decided to simply bake them and see what happened. Maybe they would rise in the hot oven.
They didn't. And now it was only an hour and a half until show time.
Ok, I thought. I'll bake brownies. I pulled out my brownie mixes (thanks to Couponsense) and mixed them up. Oops. I didn't have any oil. I used it all in the cinnamon rolls. More ranting and raving. Why does this always happen to me? The last time I was in charge of making the fireside refreshments, I baked bundt cakes that fell apart when I dumped them out of the pans. I wasn't happy that time, either.
So, with less than an hour left until the fireside was supposed to begin, I went to Albertsons and bought ice cream. I just have to tell you that this went against every belief I have about keeping the Sabbath day holy, which only made me more angry. But in the end, that was what I did. I went to the fireside, made Oreo Cookie Shakes for 60 people and no one was the wiser that I had spent my Sunday afternoon in extreme anger and frustration.
So, why do I share this with you? Mostly because it has been on my mind all day. I'm a perfectionist, and since I feel like I failed, this entire episode is going to roll around in my mind until I drive myself crazy! But through the craziness, I am learning a lesson. I probably won't remember the lesson when I actually need to, but right now it seems rather clear to me.
It is OK not to be perfect. (I am hyperventilating just from writing the words...)
I know, it is a difficult concept to swallow. But hold on to your seats because there is even more...
Not only is it OK not to be perfect, but that is part of this experience we call life. And life isn't perfect either! (Hyperventilating again!!)
As I look back at my Sunday afternoon, there are many changes I wish I could make:
** I wish I would have served those dense cinnamon rolls, those low-fat brownies or served no refreshments at all. Firesides are not supposed to be about the refreshments! Maybe that would have been a good reminder for everyone in attendance.
** I wish I could learn to be patient when things don't turn out the way I expected. Unfortunately, patience is not one of my virtues!
** I wish I could learn to laugh at the imperfect situations in this life in the moment they are happening. Hindsight is a great thing! It allows us to look back and see things in a different light...but wouldn't it be great to be able to see things in that same light as they are actually happening? It would certainly get rid of a lot of negative energy in my house!
** I wish I didn't feel like I have to be perfect in dealing with my church responsibilities. In a religion that teaches constantly about the atonement of Jesus Christ and His ability to make up for our the imperfections in this world, why do I feel that I have to go to extremes to make everything perfect? I know I'm not alone in this problem...and I'm also pretty sure that perfection in all areas is not an expectation of the Lord. At least not in this lifetime!
I recently read an article entitled, "Perfection Pending", by Elder Russell M. Nelson. It was a great reminder that if I want to find joy in my journey, I have to seek it in every situation, not just the ones that automatically bring it about. He says this:
"We all need to remember: men are that they might have joy—not guilt trips! ... We need not be dismayed if our earnest efforts toward perfection now seem so arduous and endless. Perfection is pending ... It awaits all who love Him and keep his commandments ... It is the end for which we are to endure. It is the eternal perfection that God has in store for each of us. " (Ensign, November 1995, italics added)
Perfection is the end result. It is our eternal destiny. If we were meant to be perfect here, we would have been born as adults who knew everything and could execute it all perfectly. But instead, we were born as completely helpless infants who are learning and growing each day so that at some point, in some other lifetime, we can become perfect beings.
Life happens. We can't control it. No matter how much ranting and raving we do, no matter how angry or frustrated we get , no matter how hard we try to be perfect, we are going to fail at some things! It is part of life. It is part of the growing process. There must be opposition - good and bad, light and darkness, righteousness and evil - so that we can learn from the difficulties of life. We can't control the world around us, only how we react to those situations, both good and bad, that arise.
So, when my children are making messes or my husband is late, when my drain gets clogged or the milk gets spilled, when my car breaks down or my computer crashes, when the yeast goes bad or I run out of oil, I hope I can remember this lesson: The world is not perfect and neither am I. We aren't meant to be perfect! God only expects us to do our best, to be patient in our imperfections, and most importantly, to remember that people are more important that things. If we can do that, we are well on our way to that grand gift of Eternal Life!
I hope that in heaven, my cinnamon rolls always rise. But for now, I'm just trying to remember that PERFECTION IS PENDING!
